We Are Back!
Surviving hell and what's coming up next...
Hello beautiful readers š
Itās been a whileā¦
Thank you to everyone who reached out and for the kind words.
The last 3 months have been extremely challenging and Iāve found myself at lows I didnāt even know existed.
Back in May, I started somatic experiencing therapy to (finally) process the childhood trauma that has made my life so abnormally difficult.
I learned how to feel emotions - like actually feel them, viscerally, in my body.
It was amazing.
Anger, rage, sadness, fear. All the childhood emotions I had bottled away were finally able to surface, and I was finally able to let them go.
My PTSD flashbacks stopped, back tension vanished, and I found myself in all sorts of crazy yoga permutations.
And then things got darkā¦
Turns out my brain had blacked out certain chapters of my earlier years for good reason: the feelings were just unbearable.
But Pandoraās box was open nowā¦and for the next few months, these unbearable feelings would be all I could feel.
I tried everything to escape them: sprinting, yoga, art, meditation, dancing, dinner parties, alcohol, drugs, sex, chess, workaholism, etc.
And I got respiteā¦it just didnāt last very long.
My girlfriend, cofounder, brother and closest friends were all extremely supportive but there was nothing they could do. I was trapped in my own mind.
The things I was feeling werenāt connected to my reality; they were connected to a past I couldnāt even remember.
Itās fascinating how you can have literally everything youāve ever wanted, and your brain can just f*ck it all up for you.
The last couple months Iāve had to slow my life down to a haltā¦
Work, relationships, writing etc. - Iāve wound down everything down to take care of myself.
Iām currently somewhere in the alps, learning French with a wonderful host family and working with a trauma specialist to bring my nervous system back to normal.
The headspace has been amazing and Iām now slowly getting back to real life.
The newsletter will return to its usual Thursday schedule from next week - and thank you to everyone for sticking around āļøā¤ļø
Something To Make You Think š¤
Are you meandering towards your goals?
When I was 21, I wanted to become an expert in artificial intelligence and neuroscience and use the blended expertise to rewire human brains - dealing with depression, anxiety, trauma etc. at the neurobiological level.
But 5 years later, I have no real experience in either except skills in R/Python and familiarity with neuroscience buzzwords.
Iāve done lots of other things - startups, travel, self-exploration, etc.
I donāt regret any of theseā¦but Iām 26 and still not working on what I believe to be the most important problem of our time: rewiring the brain.
Iāve kinda just pushed it back, again and again: āafter I learn these languagesā, āafter Iāve sold this companyā, āwhen Iām 30ā.
Instead of directly pursuing what I believe matters, Iāve repeatedly fallen prey to meretricious opportunities: the low-hanging fruits instead of the f*cking massive mango at the top of the tree.
There are still side-interests I will be exploring, but why keep meandering? Why keep delaying? If you want to do something, just go and f*cking do it.
I hear the same narratives all the time from friends and clients:
āI want to end world hungerā¦but only after 10 years jacking off in my meaningless finance job.ā
āI want to start a businessā¦but only after 5 years mastering the full Microsoft Office suite as a management consultant.ā
Life is short af and impactful things take a long time.
Itās different if you donāt know what you wanna do. But if you do, just go and do it.
So, are you meandering towards your goals?
Hit reply with your answer! š
Extremely Interesting Fact š¤
Iāve always thought angry, aggressive alpha males were the ātough guysā, able to handle more pain than their wimpier, chilled-out counterparts.
But attempts to find the genes responsible for aggression levels provide a counterintuitive result.
People with lower pain thresholds are more aggressive.
Makes sense: we donāt lash out unless someone has hurt us.
So people who get hurt more easily are more likely to be more aggressive.
Itās also one of the reasons women are (on average) less aggressive than men: the pain of giving birth has evolved a higher pain threshold in women.
So next time Big Scary Dave at the pub starts a fight because someone made fun of his football team, remember: heās just more sensitive!
Hey andrew loving your newsletters,currently going through a similar experience and would love to see how you overcome it.
I had forgotten how much I love your newsletters - so good to them back ā¤ļø